Chillax Day One - stuck on train

We've been stuck under the city loop for over 20 minutes now. The train cut its power and left just a few lights on inside the carriages. People are starting to move around on their seats. Only the two South Asian-looking ladies conversed; the rest of us kept quiet. It is a work day for me. I guess people on this train were also going to work, going as individuals.

Hence we did not talk to one another.

The man behind me started coughing. I could sense the increasing noise level as a sign of restlessness.

Just three days ago my husband and I were stuck inside a powerless lift for 40 minutes. I had to call triple zero emergency line twice to make sure someone was going to rescue us. And they did. A fire brigade and some police officers.

I'm keeping my cool still. Even now. I've texted my manager saying I'd be late for work. Tough I'm not 100% sure if my message was even sent. Signal is bad under the loop.

After 30 minutes...
More people started to talk to one another. They were complaining about the train situations shortly before chatting about their Christmas activities.

It's amazing how these people stay calm and patient while being locked underground for over half an hour!

What's going on out there?
When are we going to get any further updates?

What's God trying to show me these days...

This morning I saw the news on TV. An AirAsia plane has gone missing. That's the third Malaysian air plane disaster this year!

40 minutes...
The lights are back on and the train is back on track.
Thank God!
The train conductor thanked everyone for their patience.
Looks like the power went down.

Current Projects

It's the fourth day of my Chillax project and things have been pleasant - thank God - though I was all set to report my challenges daily.

We are on our way back from our NSW road trip. God has made it easy and smooth for us to visit 3 of my friends.
All praise to You.

Now we are about 400 km away from Melbourne. Plenty of time to blog!

So my Qur'an memorisation motivation has returned - yayy - after hearing that FYZ has passed the first chapter of the 29th Juz! I've covered the 30th Juz but haven't quite moved on to the 29th ad I keep forgetting the verses. But I thought, hey when else are you going to add any verses at all?

With that on its way, it means I need to do my daily reading after my prayers and not on the train, on the way to work! That was the commitment which has been neglected since...probably since I went on my long leave in October. Or even before that!

On top of the daily readings and memorizings, I'm also very keen to finish up my first publishing attempt: a little book of positive verses collection!

I'm super excited about this project because as far as I know, there hasn't been a book that summarizes the motivating points about God, sourced from the Qur'an itself! Of course - as I don't understand Arabic much - I'm just quoting another person's interpretation. But I think it's a good start to allow a chance for any English-speaker to access understandable points about God - and how wonderful God is.

That's the message I want to get across.

So there. My current exciting projects:
1. Daily reading after prayers.
2. Workday memorization. One verse a day.
3. Verse collection.

Let's try to stick to these goals!
In the name of God, the Most Merciful, the Ever Watchful.

The Chillax Project

One late afternoon, as I was going home from work, I was thinking of something which led to a realisation: I tend to mostly  complain when I am with my husband.
And that: this is a result of me being easily worried about little things each day of my life.

Based on a lesson-full movie I recently watched (also a recall failure), when you are focused on things that you think may go wrong, you've really missed out on the bright side of your day. You mentally ignore the enjoyment; the opportunity to be happy; the chance to make people laugh! And so on...

You forget to be grateful to God.

And that's going to be my NEXT PROJECT: Be chilled. Be relaxed. Keep Calm. Let it go. Let it flow.

The Chillax Project

Tomorrow will be the last day of work before we get a four-day off! We are planning to leave for a Sydney road trip that night, God's Willing.
With any road trip, you'd be stuck with the same people in the car, for a long time.
So this is a GREAT opportunity for me to stay calm. Stay chill. Stay relaxed. Stay happy.

And this is my plan for the next 40 days.
Yes.
FOURTY DAYS.
Because they say you'll establish a new habbit after continuously doing certain behaviour for 40 days.

This could be my new year resolution!

I get the feeling that my days would be much more wonderful!

Keep positive.
In the name of God, my Lord of Mercy.

GP Day Eighteen

So it's been interesting to watch how my days became brighter again.

Blood test and interview's out of the way.
Now I only need to sit back, relax and find out the results.

Social life's getting busier as well. A Graduations celebration on Friday - a religious chat catch-up on Saturday - a ladies small group plus 1-year-old birthday party on Sunday - work mates farewell on Monday.

How did this all happen!
How did my world turn around from a gloomy, boring, lonely dead-end to this??

God holds the power for all things.

1. Thank You for giving me another chance to be grateful to You.
2. Thank You for protecting and guiding me during those dark moments.
3. Thank You for the spirit and health You've provided me with, which allows me to attend all of these invitations.

You're the key to solve all issues. You're the Most Powerful. You're the Wise.

GP Day Seventeen

All praises to God. Today I achieved 3 things!

1. Thank You for the positive team spirit you brought out in us today.
Our team's pod decorations are FINALLY up! After multiple emails I sent to various people; after multiple times being ignored about decorating time allocation request; after the ups and downs of the team's motivation level; after trying to convince them: it is so easy to make the 3D snowflakes; after the few hesitating moments to leave the phone on AUX; after a long, late start! We did it. Welldone team!

2. Thank You for being with me throughout the interview.
My first impression of the office admin and interviewers was: what a friendly bunch of people they are! The admin lady greeted me and made a guess on my ethnic origins (great start!); and she talked about her life. Love it. They didn't give me as many questions as I expected. I thought I communicated quite well and passionately. Hoping for the best! God's Willing.

3. Thank You for healing me up after the blood test.
I did another one - after so many times before. I kept telling myself it was going to be ok; it was going to be quick; not a big deal; etc. As soon as I sat on that chair my hands went cold. As my arm was tied my breathing went crazy fast. As the alcohol liquid touched my skin I felt pins-and-needles sensations flowing from my hands...to my stomach...up tp my neck!

What was that all about?
I felt the needle going in, it felt sharp but small. It was quicker than I thought.

But my physical reactions were shocking.

God, help me clear away my fears. I have too much fear for things that really aren't worth it. Please guide me. Please help me to fear only You.

GP Day Sixteen

Today's quite overwhelming.
There's a terrorist act in Sydney and it involves Islamic symbols. Agh.

We went to see a fertility specialist to learn about our options. I learnt that there's no way to avoid the pain. I was in a major hesitation when it comes to getting a blood test - even though I've done it before! It's just...in the last one the nurse moved the needle around to find the vein, inside my skin. That made me cry.

I decided to do it another time.

Then I got a call from a potential employer at an institution which was my second home for six years! I got my first interview invitation in three years!

I'm not even 100% sure if I really want this job or not. Plus I've taken a couple of sick leaves these days. I don't have to attend the interview and just stay where I am now...

But then I thought; when am I ever going to achieve anything at all if I don't give that extra push to be outside my comfort zone?

1. Thank You for guiding me and teaching me about pushing my way into my goals.

2. Thank You for showing me that my skills can be attractive.

3. Thank You for the smooth day at work: nobody asked me what I was going to leave early for.

4. Thank You for keeping me safe when walking around the city despite the recent sensitive news.

GP Day Fifteen

My days are getting worse and worse, with today I didn't feel like talking to anybody; plus that lady on the phone with her everlasting, repetitive complaint!

Agh!

By 5.-zero-zero pm I was OUT of there.

I really need to capture the blessings now.

------
Ok as I was typing that I realised I'd jumped on the wrong tram and would have to walk back.

What is WRONG with me today.

Focus.
Blessings!

1. I'm grateful that I am still alive. I'm still breathing, still typing...sitting comfortably at the tram stop...with warm winds blowing away...

2. I'm grateful that I'm blessed with time. It's not even 5.30 yet and I can't be bothered attending the political seminar anymore...it'd be finished when I get there! I'll just go home...

3. I'm grateful to have my vision; to see the fresh green leaves on the trees and bright clear blue skies around me...

God...why do I complain so much in my life? Why can't I ALWAYS live in a gratitude bubble?

Please save me....

America

I cried today.
I actually produced tears.

At work.
Interpersonal issue.

Silly cause.
Yet I couldn't help it.

The morning was dragging, reeeally slowly. By 4pm I'd done enough emails and started to revisit this blog written by an international student's adventures in the USA.

Despite the countless negative opinions on the US, it has a special place in my heart. I'm guessing that's because I grew up with American TV shows and entertainments. Then I went on a student-exchange program to California and loved it there. Then of course, I decided to come back for a visit, 4 years later with my sister, and had a great time there.

There's something about the people.

If I had to choose between a trip around the US or around Europe, I'd probably go for the US - even though I've never ever been to Europe and I've seen how amazingly beautiful some of the countries are.

It must be the people.

I learnt and experienced European cultures through European films (I know). There are a lot of dislikes that come to surface as I watch how people behave, what they say, and their physical gestures.

My conclusion is that if I ever visit Europe it'd be mostly sightseeing and being as far as a foreign tourist.

But if I moved to the US....
God knows what might happen.
At this stage, only God knows.

In reality: I'm not that brave to make a move THAT big.

Random thought: movie

Sometimes I feel that I see my life as a movie.

I set out scenarios in my head of what I'm going to say... what the other person will say... and how I'm going to respond to that.

People ask why I like watching horror movies.

Tonight I realised I continuously assess the film-making techniques as I watch them. I appreciate the little camera tricks here and there which create a huge impact on what we experience as the audience.

That's what's kept me away from being haunted by the horror component of the movie.

Is it because I've watched movies too often throughout my life?

Maybe.

GP Day Fourteen

So after the full-on yet productive client visit last week I started to wonder. I started to collect my thoughts. I started to plan.

I started creating a Power Point presentation that targets the CEO and talks about the piles of issues at work and possible solutions.

The message was conveyed yesterday, to our CEO. But I did not see this coming:
-that the CEO almost has no clue on what was happening in our department
-that the company revenue has been hugely invested back into our department that the profit margin became smaller
-that the overall staff turnover rate is no worse than expected

With these things in mind, my fired-up arguments became no longer relevant.

Plus, I had two short meetings with my manager and his manager on how it was inappropriate for me to talk about the issues directly with the CEO.

Oh great.

So the conclusion is: I've been here for too long hence I think too much and it's probably time for me to seek skills and rewards elsewhere.

Anyhow, blessings keep on poured on us all so let's count mine:

1. I'm grateful to be assigned a manager who does not take things personally. I now have more respect for his poker face and non-existant emotions.

2. I'm grateful that someone in my "dead" team was brave enough to initiate the team pod decoration spirit!

3. I'm grateful that it is such a lovely afternoon.

GP Day Thirteen

Oh God I feel good again. I actually chaired our very first team meeting in a long time! I was nervous and surely made tons of unnecessary physical gestures. But I got the message across...I think.

I'm so grateful that my fellow team members started to open up; to bring real team issues to the table instead of shaking it all off - all except AT. She quickly said all is perfect and she wants no change. I was very tempted to think she's had too many issues overtime that she no longer cares; no longer believes that any good change will come.

I'm grateful to hear others feel what I feel all this time: that the team dynamic is lost. I'm glad that everyone seemed keen to have something done to improve our condition.

So I then decided to capture all these ideas and put them all in a Meeting Minutes email which I sent back to the team - complete with the Action Plans!

Love it.

I felt alive again. As if we are moving somewhere. We'll see about that.

And early tomorrow morning I'm flying out to Brisbane to meet a set of new clients, which is oh-so-exciting!

Thank You, God, the Almighty, the Know-it-all, the Most Merciful, the Best Planner!

This week would probably be the best work week I've had in a very, very long time.