GP Day Twelve

I've been doing the istikhara prayer - where you ask for help in deciding - these days. My topical issue is: should I quit? Or should I stay in this company.

I had to literally self-talk more to drag myself to work this morning. I stopped by the garden to refresh my mind a little, and I saw a group of mature-aged people doing tai-chi under the tree. I was keen to join them tomorrow - if I may!

I was supposed to be applying for jobs dilligently but the last few days had been quite full-on. Or, perhaps I haven't found an opening that really interests me..

Yesterday I thought maybe I just tend to be easily bored naturally and hence need to get a part-time job where I could do something else to add some dynamics into my days. But the openings I've seen seemed quite mind-numbing.

Then today my manager mentioned a plan to send me interstate for a two-day business trip for training purposes sometime next week.
I could not hide my shocked and excited face when I heard it.

Could this be a sign from You that asks me to hold on to my current job...?

Anyways, today I'd like to thank You for giving me the strength and commitment to cook my crunchy pasta after the morning prayer.
Thank You for the beautiful morning air and sights at the garden.
Thank You for showing me that I have plenty of friends - that my weeknights are filling up with catch-ups.

Please keep me close to You. Keep me in the gratitude circle. Protect me from negativity and despair..

GP Day Eleven

So today that feeling returned.

That I may need to quit this job.

Let me walk you through what's been happening recently.
Last weekend was full-on. Saturday I attended the Hikmahway lecture on Women Companions and I remember the teacher mentions how people work for long years just to pay for mortgage - where you could potentially use the money in better good deeds.

The next day it was the big farewel of MbD and that was my BIG TIME for showing off the video I've worked hard on during the last two weeks! Everybody loved it. As I expected.
So that was my discovered TALENT no.1.

The afternoon was accidentally spent in a church! I didn't know the singing competition was organised by a church (well. Duh!). So I had my turn performing Mandy Moore's "Only Hope" with shaky, yet still under control, voice.
The feedback was amazing! The lady said she could see my positive energy...that the song took them to another world..and that singing is truly a part of who I am...
Ok so that was my discovered TALENT no.2.

...
So you see. Today as I talk to these students, I had those questions again..
I want to do so much more but where do I find the time?
What am I doing for most of my lifetime?
Should I just...quit this?

I prayed to God to show me the way.

I'm grateful that amongst other things I still have a full-time job.
I'm grateful for the talents God has instilled in me - that benefits others.
I'm grateful to be married to a husband who doesn't ask for much; and who provides me financially.

So of all consideration, it should be easier for me (as compared to many others) to quit my job and find something more of my passion...right?

God please show me the way. I don't want to be rude and disregard Your blessings on me...but I'm also afraid I'm not using my full potential as You would like me to.

Please guide me...

GP Day Ten

I was sick all over the weekend. Took a sickie yesterday and of course...a huge pile of work awaits me in the office this morning!
I'm still coughing heavily. But my head feels lighter than the previous days.

What am I grateful for today...?

1. I'm grateful that I was getting better. God is healing me up. I could go back to work.
2. I'm grateful that I was strong enough to say hi to more people than usual. God gave me the confidence.
3. I'm grateful that my friend sent in her singing recording to add to my video. Can't wait to explore what I can do with it!

My tummy feels funny. It's probably a side effect of swallowing all the mucus inside me. Sorry to be gross. Anyhow, I came across a blog which I thought wasn't bad: ahhh I forgot what it's called.

Til next time.

GP Day Nine

Thank GOD it's Friday!

...not that I have any major event this evening.

But still. Tomorrow I'm not going to the office and I really hope to spend some time beautifying my farewel video debut.

This morning I woke up with a sharp sore throat. Looking back, I haven't eaten much vegetables since I never had the time to cook or prepare one daily. Or, I never make the time to do this.

My interest in meal preparation hasn't increased much since - ever. I'd rather clean my room than cooking. Maybe because cooking is messy? I'm not sure.

So let's recap on the good things today..
1. I'm grateful that I managed to submit a quick job application before leaving for work this morning.
2. I'm grateful to be able to enjoy a healthy drink of banana-carrot-ginger-apple-berries juice.
3. I'm grateful that I got to contribute a brilliant farewel gift idea for LN to our lovely temporary manager HL.
4. I'm grateful to be excited to do groceries and household shopping tonight!

Dear God..help me obtain discipline and consistency in the good things that I do...

GP Day Eight

Today's air was getting warmer. It was okay. I'm just a bit sniffy - and I'm hearing lots of other people in this train sneezing and coughing. They go simultaneously that it's like a musical for sickness.

I've just had a catch up with my ex-colleagues as another lady is leaving my company. LN is moving into running her own cafe! I'm super-excited for her.

Other than that, conversations revolved around raising kids, changing jobs,...and changing jobs. Yes, now I'm thinking again of looking for a new job.

Oh boy. Here we go again.

On one hand I'm bored of what I do and I don't see any good change coming my way. Now that we recruit more and more new faces, and break down our responsibilities, I feel more like a machine. Like, I use less and less of my brain capacity each day. Management is just...non-existence. Team spirit is dead. What else is new?

But on another hand I care about this company (I think?). I've been here for 3 years now and I know how things work. I understand our business. I know the people. The CEO knows me. And I hate the thought of starting all over again - elsewhere - just to fall into the same boredom eventually.

If only I got to do something else...
If only I got a promotion...

Ok. Enough dreaming. Let's count our blessings today...

1. I'm grateful to still be able to keep in touch with my former work mates.
2. I'm grateful that my video project is going well this morning - just need to add some music and others' contributions.
3. I'm grateful that the 34-degree day didn't turn out too badly.
4. I'm grateful that the $3.5 pair of flats feel comfortable enough to help me walk across the CBD.

God....thanks for today. I'm starting to wonder if I should seek more blessings at another place. Please set my heart in what is right. Please protect me from hesitation.

GP Day Seven

Today was good.
I actually stayed up this morning to explore old memories and photos on my computer.

I'm working on my new project: video-making!

MbD is going away in a few weeks' time, after living here for over 4 years, actively involved in EVERY POSSIBLE ACTIVITY. So I thought it'd be so worth it to create a nostalgic presentation she can take home.
I've been ecstatic about my ideas that I could hardly concentrate during my prayers. It's like a rush of ideas.

During my holidays I caught up with a few old friends who decided to pursue their own business. I was lost in admiration and crave. I want to do that, too.

But I want to do something I'm interested in - not wanting to be too money-oriented.

Then I had an idea of a Words-on-Canvas printing/design business. Words of encouragement - that suits any religion at all.
Wonderful thought!
Only I don't know how to do digital design. And I don't see myself having luxury of time to self-learn it.

So this video-making can be a start! I've always had ideas on angels, catch phrases, background music, layouts and so on. I can't wait to explore the functions on my new downloaded Microsoft Movie Maker software!

I even had an idea for my business name this morning (yes, during the prayer):

Nai&friends Productions

So God...

1. I'm sooo grateful that I was strong enough to stay up this morning and make a start on my project.

2. I'm grateful that my husband and I felt so much better after feeling the flu symptoms last night.

3. I'm grateful that work went smoothly and I got to get done more tasks than I planned for.

Please guide me. Always. To the right path.
To the path You've designed for me all along.

GP Day Six

Just got back from Jakarta yesterday. Felt like I didn't spend enough time with my family and relatives this time. Cried at the airport waving goodbyes to my parents. They've really tried hard to clear their agendas to be with me when I was there.

First day at work. Not motivated.
No one to talk to. No one shared anything significant. All just small talks.
Changes, promotions, resignations filled the air. But people kept their cool.

I read some good notes during my holiday - and I wanted to make a difference.

I wanted to be different at work.

I wanted to really give my best; to set a good example; to create positive impacts; to help the business grow.

But that didn't happen.

I didn't pour my heart out on the tasks so that I could get more done within the available time. I didn't talk to people much so that I could focus on my tasks. But I couldn't keep myself from hearing (and getting interested in) conversations around me. Frustrated that my earphones or desktop speaker didn't work.

But all in all, let's wrap up with positivity.

1. I'm grateful that I still have my job and the ability to do my job after my 3-week break.
2. I'm grateful that I received a few warm welcome-back greetings.
3. I'm grateful that my clients seemed fine. So far so good.
4. I'm grateful that I got to leave on time.
5. I'm grateful that the sun is shining nicely today.

God....I need Your help. Desparately.
I want that peaceful feeling in me: that any good or bad thing is given and planned by You; and there is nothing to worry about. That good things will come my way when they are meant to. That I am strong enough to do everything that's on my plate.