GP Day Thirty Two - Strive!

I bought a large print Qur'an over the weekend, thinking that it would motivate me to read more as my vision is blurred without the hard lense. So yesterday I pushed myself to try and open its pages again, hoping it would help sooth my hurt soul. It felt so good to read off the large print! Qur'ans these days try to fit so many different things into a compact size and I always have to winch to be able to see the tiny Arabic letters.

I felt... okay, after reading a few pages. I didn't expect any sudden inspiration or anything. But I knew God is always watching and very appreciative of the little things we do for His sake.

That night we found a movie on Netflix called Daddy's Girls. If you haven't seen it, the story is set in the poor, black community where a good-man father lost his custody of the beloved three girls to his ex-partner who lives with a drug dealer. It is so frustrating to see how the legal system doesn't help as he doesn't have enough money to afford a good lawyer.

There was this scene where he went to Church and the priest was talking about holding on through tough times in life. He told his people that God was about to do his miraculous work on you. That the sign of this is when you feel like you're about to faint! That all we need to do is keep that faith and don't give up.

I felt that God was talking to me right there and then. I was at my lowest to the point where I just wanted to stop trying. Demotivated to achieve anything in life. Maybe I haven't been tested with losing family members like the man in the movie. Maybe I haven't had to face a terrible disaster in life. Maybe my life has been smooth. Finance was easy. Career was easy. Friends were easy. Finding a spouse was easy. Being at home is easy...

But that is my test.

I should not give up being thankful for what I've been given.
It is a tough one, but I need to strive to hold on this positive attitude.
I must strive to make a good use of the resources I've got: my energy, my health, my time, my money.

And when things start to be overwhelmingly difficult, I must remember:

... God is about to do His miraculous work on me.

Which Passion?

If you remember from my previous two posts, I was all excited to do something big, create a change, with my passion.
Not long after that, I was hyped-up about three different projects:

1. Creating an awesome acapella singing group

2. Improving the moral quality of the local Sunday school students

3. Continuing to promote and work on my paintings of wisdom words - nai&Friends

At that time the feeling was as if I was on top of the world! That there's nothing I cannot do. All optimistic.

Until reality hits, of course.

Firstly, it's not easy to get the same level of excitement and commitment from other people to kickstart this acapella project. They have various other things on their plates that keep them from meetings, practising or even shouting ideas in the group.

Secondly, the current volunteering teachers at the Sunday school don't seem to see any major problem with their students' behaviour. To me, and I'm sure to many other outsiders, it's clearly a chaos. Targets and progress are not clear. Respect is merely addressed. Things haven't significantly changed over the past decade, really. But most of the teachers seemed happy enough that the students "feel comfortable".

Thirdly, the restaurant in which I wanted my paintings to be displayed gave no positive response. Management just left my proposal hanging by telling me they may still need their empty walls for something else in the near future.

So right now I'm nowhere near that top of the world. It's back to the baby business. What we are doing today. What will I feed him this time. What game do I play with him........ How do I prevent him from crying!

And today I had a meltdown. I was physically unwell; I was bored with this family's routines; I was tired of having to entertain my baby all the time. And of course, my poor husband had to face all the blaming effects and other dramas.
It was terrible.

God, please help put my mind and heart where they should be.... Guide me to better focus on my priorities.