How to Treat your Husband

This was taken from someone called Laura (purematremony; wisewives)

Become aware of your actions and behaviors.

Do not criticize, contradict, or teach (even if you feel you are smarter than him).

Be accepting and trusting.

Don’t be unpleasable.

Don’t nag.

Feel genuine respect for him; something that will appear from habit.

Don’t say anything negative about his ideas or desires.

Remind yourself that you are taking the high road.

Remind yourself that you can either have the satisfaction of being right, or have intimacy in your marriage.

Don’t be rude.

Recognize that he deserves the same niceness and hospitality you would give a guest in your house for example.

Don’t yell or give the silent treatment.

If he does something that you really can’t respect, then forgive him because you wouldn’t want him to hold a mistake against you one day.

If you find yourself doing these things Laura suggests saying one sentence, and one sentence only, nothing before and nothing after: “I apologize for being disrespectful when I…(state specific thing).”
Believe it or not, men need respect more than they need physical intimacy. Without it they feel unsuccessful and can withdraw. They will do what they can to spend as much time with the people that show them that respect; whether it’s in the home, at work, with his buddies or wherever.
Wouldn’t you want him to want spend as much time as he can with you?

Try this: As you’re interacting with your husband this week notice when you are being disrespectful and as soon as you recognize it, apologize by saying the magic words, “I apologize for being disrespectful.”
Take note of how you felt saying it, and how your husband reacted. It won’t be easy at first, but practice makes perfect and if Laura is right, his chest should puff out a little from your words.

Winners Announced

At the end of today, the management team finally announced the people who were successful in their internal job application. The Manager Student Success roles were not new - I'm sure everybody saw the two persons would eventually fill in the roles, and the rest of Managers are old school senior staff members. So that was fine.

Now for the 5 AD roles - one which I had applied for and not even been given a chance for interview/presentation - this was where my curiosity fell. One by one the "winners" were announced , most of them had been working closely with SS, who'd be in charge of the new AD team!

Duh!

On one hand I was surprised, looking at those relatively new and young (inexperienced!) faces who got selected. On the other hand, it seemed dull that they opened the door to EVERYONE on the floor to apply yet probably from the beginning it was always SS who controlled over the selection process; and of course, she'd pick people in her own team. How would she know much about how others have performed, right?

It's not fair.
But this is reality.

Back to the train conversation with Aaron, managers have limited range of attention so it's a matter of how you make a big deal of what you've achieved. In other words, you gotta sell yourself up to your manager.

Now I could see how easy it is to forget who your true God is, when this "Manager" figure plays such an important and immediate role in your career success and professional achievements! No wonder there are office politics everwhere. No wonder people are two-faced and trying hard to impress their managers.

But again, managers are simply human beings with limited knowledge. Their decision could easily be influenced by anything outside your control. The facts can be all the same, but the interpretation is the key. They can think of your behavior as outstanding...or lacking. As amazing...or annoying. It's all subjective.
And who controls the heart of human beings?

God.

.......

It crossed my mind a few times; how I deserve a bigger opportunity; how I have more potentials than what's applicable to my current situation; how I haven't been "managed" properly to unleash my talents; and ultimately that it's time for me to look for a "better job".

But now there's been a new perspective. I don't suffer from low finances - so I don't long for a higher paying job. I don't suffer from mean people or work stress - so I don't need to quit. I want to eventually grow and develop a new life in my family - so I don't need to stress about climbing the career ladder.

All I have to do is to find and manage my motivation and take any opportunity that comes by. God knows exactly what I need and He will give it to me at the right time. I just need to sit back, relax, and try to become a better person each day.

Confidence and Speaking

I didn't write "public speaking" up there for a reason. Everyone hates - or, claims to hate - public speaking. So if I tell them I have an issue with public speaking, well, who doesn't?

But my issue is to do with just Speaking, to another human being or a group of human beings. I tend to giggle; I tend to get so self-aware I'd lose my chain of thoughts then get nervous for no real reason! Hearing my own voice talking can make me nervous!

These past few days I'd been sneaking away during work to watch some of the TED-talks videos on Youtube. It amazed me how many people can appear so confident speaking on stage, with lights on their face, to hundreds of audience, about their passion, to create huge impacts in society!

For a moment I had this urge of living in the US in the future, for I've seen many people who grow up in US turn out to be confident, well-articulated people, who speak their mind and not being diplomatic when it comes to a disagreement. They can be assertive but at the same time be honest and show their true self.

I wish I could be one of these people...

Although my company presentation which I did, received many positive feedback from people at work, I watched myself on the recorded video and thought that wasn't good enough. Nobody would take her seriously.

So at choir today, when the floor was open to wishes, I put my hand up and told everyone that I needed help to work on my confidence and communication skills. An unfamiliar face volunteered to help me. We caught up after rehearsal and I found out she came from Singapore when she was 19; wanting to make music videos; ending up as a school teacher; and now working in mortgage. Wow.

We talked about different styles of speaking at work and with your manager in a one-and-one, for example. She'd also taken a course on communication and was happy to share her notes with me.

Then more people, one by one, approached me - all saying they were surprised with my wish.

"What do you need more confidence for? You're already very confident!"

What!?
Just because I sing a tiny solo part they think that I'm confident??

I told them that I didn't feel that way. We got to talk about tricks and personal experiences for a while. I felt very blessed that these people saw me in a positive light and liked me for who I was.

If only I could see me the way you see me...

Maybe I over-criticize myself. But hey, if that's been instilled in me, that means I just have to deal with it along my journey of self-development.

So now I'm writing down some points of action from my full-on conversations:

▶ prepare your dot points before speaking to the other person [MCH]

▶ try to speak face-to-face rather than email [ADW]

▶ learn to say no if you disagree, and state your opinion [ADW]

▶ consider taking up a short course in communication/presentation [JHN]

▶ believe that you're confident, cause that's what other people see [JHN]

The S Word

It was a very long Monday with two trips back and forth to the hospital for my UV therapy. I finally got it done and went to the nice little Sacred Space to perform my prayer at sunset.

During my first two rakaats I tried to revise my memorisation, however it wasn't easy - as the man in front of me recited EVERYTHING ALOUD throughout his whole prayer. He also had many more takbirs. His recitations were quite different although many parts are somewhat similar.

My focus shifted, could he be....?

After I finished praying I decided to sit for a while and watch the man. He kept on reciting praises quickly, repeatedly, and loudly!
Then his phone rang. Nokia. He put it on his right ear while continuing with his recitations.

I was getting more interested. I wanted to ask why he recited things loudly when it could distract others! But he didn't show any sign of being close to finish yet.

So I gathered my things and walked out where I put my shoes on. There was a young boy who'd been waiting around outside the room.

"Is that your Dad?" I asked him.

He said yes. Yayy!

"His praying was interesting" I smiled. "Where are you from?"

"From Iraq" he said. For some reason I was expecting Iran as his answer. Oh well.
The question finally came out.

"So...is it Shi'ah??"

He paused to process my question before he cheerfully nodded "Yes, yes Shi'ah!"

! ! !

Okay. Now what??

"Cool" I smiled and excused myself.

                               *   *   *

Few steps later I regret not asking the boy more questions, like:
▶Do you really hate Abu Bakr? Or Aisyah?
▶Do you consider Sunni people as your Muslim brothers?
▶anything else that had wondered in my head!

But one thing that lingered was...the boy looked so happy that I guessed his faith type, just like when people guessed if I was from Indonesia for example. If his belief was full of hatred and bad practices as I'd heard from many, then it's hard to explain why he reacted so positively to someone who looked like a typical South East Asian (Sunni?) Muslim like me.

Right?