Confidence and Speaking

I didn't write "public speaking" up there for a reason. Everyone hates - or, claims to hate - public speaking. So if I tell them I have an issue with public speaking, well, who doesn't?

But my issue is to do with just Speaking, to another human being or a group of human beings. I tend to giggle; I tend to get so self-aware I'd lose my chain of thoughts then get nervous for no real reason! Hearing my own voice talking can make me nervous!

These past few days I'd been sneaking away during work to watch some of the TED-talks videos on Youtube. It amazed me how many people can appear so confident speaking on stage, with lights on their face, to hundreds of audience, about their passion, to create huge impacts in society!

For a moment I had this urge of living in the US in the future, for I've seen many people who grow up in US turn out to be confident, well-articulated people, who speak their mind and not being diplomatic when it comes to a disagreement. They can be assertive but at the same time be honest and show their true self.

I wish I could be one of these people...

Although my company presentation which I did, received many positive feedback from people at work, I watched myself on the recorded video and thought that wasn't good enough. Nobody would take her seriously.

So at choir today, when the floor was open to wishes, I put my hand up and told everyone that I needed help to work on my confidence and communication skills. An unfamiliar face volunteered to help me. We caught up after rehearsal and I found out she came from Singapore when she was 19; wanting to make music videos; ending up as a school teacher; and now working in mortgage. Wow.

We talked about different styles of speaking at work and with your manager in a one-and-one, for example. She'd also taken a course on communication and was happy to share her notes with me.

Then more people, one by one, approached me - all saying they were surprised with my wish.

"What do you need more confidence for? You're already very confident!"

What!?
Just because I sing a tiny solo part they think that I'm confident??

I told them that I didn't feel that way. We got to talk about tricks and personal experiences for a while. I felt very blessed that these people saw me in a positive light and liked me for who I was.

If only I could see me the way you see me...

Maybe I over-criticize myself. But hey, if that's been instilled in me, that means I just have to deal with it along my journey of self-development.

So now I'm writing down some points of action from my full-on conversations:

▶ prepare your dot points before speaking to the other person [MCH]

▶ try to speak face-to-face rather than email [ADW]

▶ learn to say no if you disagree, and state your opinion [ADW]

▶ consider taking up a short course in communication/presentation [JHN]

▶ believe that you're confident, cause that's what other people see [JHN]