Today, afterwork, the feeling came again.
I'm tired of trying. Tired of living.
On some level my work has come down to a comfortable zone - where I no longer get excited to handle academic transcripts or other student service activities.
Today a student carrying the name of the nobel Prophet pbuh came along with his obviously-out-there girlfriend. He acted like a king and talked to me as if I were his slave. No mercy. Frontal impatience. Naughty laughters with his girlfriend.
Pinched my heart. He tored a really bad mark on this religion I hold high. On the Prophet I'm trying to love more. On my faith identity!
I could feel the heat coming up my head and face. I said polite, professional phrases as usual though inside I screamed he didn't deserve any of it.
I chanted praises to God softly as I gave him some assistance just to calm myself down.
To prevent any burning sharp comments coming out of my mouth.
After my sunset prayer I sat there, reflecting on my day... reflecting on the past years and on my life. I was imagining my future. This pregnancy. The motherhood. The challenges for me to overcome.
I'm weak without God. I can achieve nothing without His help...His guidance and protection.
And I'm tired of trying.
I want to return to Him. And rest.
God please help me.
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