GP Day Thirty Four - Holy Month

I decided to set my aim this Ramadan as putting God back into a priority in my life.
I wanted to be more aware of the blessinga and His signs around me. I want to stress less about other people and their business.
So I successfully uninstall Facebook - my major distractor. It was the big time thief that kept me from doing the things I wanted to do. It kept me comfortable spending hours in bed behind the superficial excuse of putting my baby to sleep. Plus, it stirred constant self comparison, self image review, and cravings of worldly items.

I've managed to sneak in one or two pages of Qur'an recitation on most days.
I stopped making plans with people - or trying hard to find people to hang out with. Instead I let God bring the right people to me. I let Him take me to people whom He's blessed. It seemed to work better this way.

I made attempts in joining whatever religious talks as much as I can - now that my free time is restricted to my baby's routines. God has made it easy for me in the last few times bringing my baby into the Masjid, to stay there for a while, joining the long evening prayers. There's been a lot of joy, warmth, and helping hands.

I also wanted to invest more into our household. My husband has been diligently bringing home take-away meals during the fasting month. We both know I don't cook - even when I do occasionally, our tastebuds don't agree with each other. Despite that, I still am hoping to somehow become comfortable with cooking: with the meal planning, groceries, food preparation, cooking, and eventually cleaning-up afterwards. Now that my baby eats solid, I start to constantly think of what to serve him at each mealtime.

Plus, there are way too many clutters in this house! I've been dreaming to turn each corner of this house into a lovely sight ever since I resigned from work - that is, before my baby was born! But like I said, it's mainly been as far as a dream.

Today I've managed to clear away the junks out of our living room. It was the simplest, easiest room to begin with, but there was just too much junk!
Not sure which area I should work on next. Too many choices.

But little by little, I want to turn myself into one of those people who take great care of their surroundings.

God help me...

GP Day Thirty three: Re-focusing

I've been living my days as a full-time mum who plans certain outgoing activities on most days and managing her baby's needs to suit her plan. It stresses me out when my baby is not co-operating or not doing whatever it is I need him to do - whether it is eating, sleeping, keeping himself entertained, or simply staying inside his pram without complaint. That said, most of the things he does stresses me out!

On top of this, I would have times when I realised the tons of things I meant to do around the house but never got done.

I've been busy planning, day by day, to explore the world; to socialise and find friendships; shaping my new world as a stay-home mum. And I've often overlooked the simple things I need to keep up.

I overlook the little achievements that deserve to be noticed, by me.

So now it's TIME TO REFOCUS on the little things that matter.

- Fresh food I'm eating (hey, I made salmon soup today - awesome!)

- Baby gets his sleep (hey, he is still asleep INSIDE his cot - amazing!)

- Daily exercise (want to start taking him on a pram trip in the morning, to get him used to the pram!)

Ok. That's a great start to a new page.

A series of pages filled with the noticed small, consistent achievements.
I know that great things can be accomplished if the little things are done consistently.

Now the challenge is... to remember this.

GP Day Thirty Two - Strive!

I bought a large print Qur'an over the weekend, thinking that it would motivate me to read more as my vision is blurred without the hard lense. So yesterday I pushed myself to try and open its pages again, hoping it would help sooth my hurt soul. It felt so good to read off the large print! Qur'ans these days try to fit so many different things into a compact size and I always have to winch to be able to see the tiny Arabic letters.

I felt... okay, after reading a few pages. I didn't expect any sudden inspiration or anything. But I knew God is always watching and very appreciative of the little things we do for His sake.

That night we found a movie on Netflix called Daddy's Girls. If you haven't seen it, the story is set in the poor, black community where a good-man father lost his custody of the beloved three girls to his ex-partner who lives with a drug dealer. It is so frustrating to see how the legal system doesn't help as he doesn't have enough money to afford a good lawyer.

There was this scene where he went to Church and the priest was talking about holding on through tough times in life. He told his people that God was about to do his miraculous work on you. That the sign of this is when you feel like you're about to faint! That all we need to do is keep that faith and don't give up.

I felt that God was talking to me right there and then. I was at my lowest to the point where I just wanted to stop trying. Demotivated to achieve anything in life. Maybe I haven't been tested with losing family members like the man in the movie. Maybe I haven't had to face a terrible disaster in life. Maybe my life has been smooth. Finance was easy. Career was easy. Friends were easy. Finding a spouse was easy. Being at home is easy...

But that is my test.

I should not give up being thankful for what I've been given.
It is a tough one, but I need to strive to hold on this positive attitude.
I must strive to make a good use of the resources I've got: my energy, my health, my time, my money.

And when things start to be overwhelmingly difficult, I must remember:

... God is about to do His miraculous work on me.

Which Passion?

If you remember from my previous two posts, I was all excited to do something big, create a change, with my passion.
Not long after that, I was hyped-up about three different projects:

1. Creating an awesome acapella singing group

2. Improving the moral quality of the local Sunday school students

3. Continuing to promote and work on my paintings of wisdom words - nai&Friends

At that time the feeling was as if I was on top of the world! That there's nothing I cannot do. All optimistic.

Until reality hits, of course.

Firstly, it's not easy to get the same level of excitement and commitment from other people to kickstart this acapella project. They have various other things on their plates that keep them from meetings, practising or even shouting ideas in the group.

Secondly, the current volunteering teachers at the Sunday school don't seem to see any major problem with their students' behaviour. To me, and I'm sure to many other outsiders, it's clearly a chaos. Targets and progress are not clear. Respect is merely addressed. Things haven't significantly changed over the past decade, really. But most of the teachers seemed happy enough that the students "feel comfortable".

Thirdly, the restaurant in which I wanted my paintings to be displayed gave no positive response. Management just left my proposal hanging by telling me they may still need their empty walls for something else in the near future.

So right now I'm nowhere near that top of the world. It's back to the baby business. What we are doing today. What will I feed him this time. What game do I play with him........ How do I prevent him from crying!

And today I had a meltdown. I was physically unwell; I was bored with this family's routines; I was tired of having to entertain my baby all the time. And of course, my poor husband had to face all the blaming effects and other dramas.
It was terrible.

God, please help put my mind and heart where they should be.... Guide me to better focus on my priorities.

GP Day Thirty One - Generation Excellence

I've just had an interesting discussion with a friend, about topical issues within the Muslim community in general.

Sure, we believe our religion has been perfected. Sure, we have made the right choice to believe it. Sure, we believe the Truth will eventually be revealed for everyone to see... in the end.

But what about now? Look around and you'll find that this very community is left behind in many ways. Sure, we can always bring up the Golden Age where Muslims used to thrive and so on. But what's the point when we are now powerless? When we are just being ruled around, victimised, uneducated, poor, corrupted, and the list goes on?

When we can only blame the non-Muslims for making decisions to suit their desires?
When we can only complain but have no power to change how things are?

What's the point of knowing the Truth without implementing it in our lives?

There are far too many sermons talking about how perfect this religion is, and how others just go astray.
There are enough talks about perfecting our worship, guarding ourselves against evil etc.

There isn't enough reminder out there on how we are the people chosen by God to make a difference in this world. We are meant to take a good care of this world. We are designed to make an impact on others - not just to receive impacts made by others, all the time.

Another friend recently shared her concerns that today's children look up to Hollywood stars and super heroes instead of our great Prophet and his great companions - peace be upon them all.
Maybe it is time for the people of this community to stand up, get known, and become the characters people would look-up to. Maybe there are just too few great Muslims out there, or that they're being quiet that they're easily overcast by other hot news.

My friend's story from my previous post is a simple example. Out of nothing, she started working on her food blog which now allows her to make a greater impact. This is because her page is now known by hundreds of followers who will receive her messages in an instance. The message she puts out there may affect one's decision on what / where to eat. In other words, she can use her profession to make a difference in other people's lives.

I am really looking out for people who realise this and are fired-up to do something about it.
To create a generation of excellence.

What Passion?

I managed to catch-up with a former work colleague yesterday, who'd recently developed her passion in food safari into a real profession as a food blogger. When we caught-up only last year she was a full-time house wife, with casual jobs, and busy trying to get a full-time job. Now, she'd become a food blogger professional, well known within the cafes industry and busy with invitations to review various meals and treats.

Huge improvement.

And so I thought...
Today everyone takes photos of their food. Everyone likes to try out pretty little cafes every now and then. Everyone posts their activities on facebook or instagram.

But most people - myself included - stop there.

What my friend does differently is that she strives for excellence. She does her research; taught herself some coding skills useful to create and maintain her website; and she sought ways to improve the marketing of her page by working with her client cafes on certain campaigns.

It all sounded so awesome to me.

And so I questioned myself...

What can I do that makes a difference?
How do I re-discover my fighting spirit through the dull and the tough?

GP Day Thirty - Hajj Reflection

In the midst of caring for my two-month-old baby I found myself staring at my prayer mat which had an image of the Masjid il Haram of Mecca. My mind started to replay the fascinating journey my husband and I took on two years ago, performing our Hajj (pilgrimage).

Why is it that each of us is required to perform Hajj at least once in our life time...?

As I pondered, I remembered the many life-changing experiences told by others who'd done it.

How about me... What was it that I was supposed to take with me when I returned from Hajj...

Was it the excitement of entering the worlds' most magnificent Masjids?
Was it the interesting observation of the local customs?
Or was it the lovely friendships built within the group?

My mind quickly revisited the main activities involved in the Hajj itself.

Arafah!
Being within an area called Arafah, at certain time, is so paramount that without it the Hajj wouldn't be valid.

Now I remember....!

Something very intense and unexpected happened to me there. As I was about to read my long list of wishes to ask from God, I was hit by a sudden, huge realisation of God's blessings and generosity throughout my whole life - until this moment when I stood at that very spot, in Arafah.
It was so overwhelming that tears were pouring out.

I remembered standing there with a small damp towel in my hand.

Now that the year of my Hajj had passed, I'd gone back to my ungrateful self. Despite being blessed with a baby, I'd been frustrated and busy asking God to make things easier for me.

I simply forgot about my special moment in Arafah.

God, all praise to You. Lord of the Worlds.